I’m thankful my birthday came and my friend, Joann gave me this book as a present. I was hesitant about the book at first because the title is kind of intimidating. You know, Aristotle, Dante, Universe? I was like ‘seriously?’ It turned out that this book isn’t what I expected it to be. And for all the ‘feels’ it gave me, I owe it to the book and the author to say that I. ABSOLUTELY. LOVE. IT.

Now, apart from the feels, here’s some of my greatest takeaways from the book that I will always take into account as I go on with my journey in discovering the secrets of the universe.

1. Our parents have reasons for being the way they are.

Either for being the way they are as people or for being the way they are to us as parents, they have reasons for acting and lecturing and babying us the way they do. Let us not forget that our parents are people, too. Just because they’re older does not mean they do not go through some struggles in life anymore. We, the younger ones, are always the one seeking to be understood by them because they always make us feel like they don’t get us. But they do. And although they keep silent about it, they want you to understand them too.

Understand that they’re also people who can have problems finding balance. To them, you are everything. So, it is normal for them to feel too responsible about your life. They can become overly protective, at times. But that’s only because they’ve been through enough of this life to know life is some tough guy who’s so much capable of hurting you and because you’re precious, they don’t want to allow much of that life on you. But if you feel like they’re too uptight, you can also speak to them about it in reasonable ways. Drop that attitude.

Understand that your parents had experiences they can’t recover from. They had wounds that had healed but also left scars that will always make them remember. We have to appreciate the fact that they don’t give up on us when there is in fact a thin line between being a parent and being a human being.

2. Always be kinder than necessary.

We all want this world to be a better place. However, complaining about the peace that it doesn’t really have isn’t gonna help achieve that. Like what Sam told Ari, we can’t be too hard on people. It is not a piece of cake to forgive them after hurting us or the people we love - especially the people we love - but we can try. It’s not for them, not even for the world. It is for your own inner peace and the serenity of your every sleep.

Don’t engage in stupid arguments. Say ‘excuse me’. Offer help when you can, while you can. Smile to those who walk alone. And most importantly, make room for hugs.

3. Never be ashamed of who you are.

If you’re gay and you’re ashamed of who you are, imagine all the other gays who survived the embarrassment. If you’re fat, imagine all those who have been bullied for being too thin. Because the truth is, despite of who you are and what you are, people will find something to say about you.

If you need inspiration to be confident, look at your bullies. Forget about examining them, I have done that for you. Just look at them. Bullies always have this air of confidence in them; they are always proud even if there’s nothing about being a bully that they can be proud of. Don’t look at them as your enemies. Take inspiration from the fact that somewhere inside those bullies are stories and insecurities they don’t want people to perceive as weakness. They, too, want to escape because they need to survive. Now, I’m not saying let’s go be bullies. We can try to escape but we gotta find some reasonable ways to do that. Anything that does not require taking our lives. Because after all, what we really want is to be able to LIVE the way we are, right?

Don’t feel like you have to change for this world, too. For as long as you’re not hurting anyone, for as long as you’re not building yourself up in another person’s expense, you’re alright. Don’t conform. Don’t follow all those lists you see online that tell you what you should be doing in your life at a particular age. Make your own list.

Be you. Be proud. Then, live.

4. Love is not a contest.

Among all the other things I heard about love, I think this is what rings the truest: LOVE IS NOT A CONTEST.

Someone will always be giving more love. Someone will always be giving less love.

But none of those really matter because if you truly have that real love in you, for someone else, you won’t actually have time to weigh. You won’t even begin thinking about it because there’s something fanatical about love. You become devoted. Yet, uncritical.

There is no other kind of love other than the unconditional. A love not seeking for another person to measure up to it. A love that willingly takes whatever is given. Love. Plain love. Not race. Not competition. Just love.

Today, I celebrate my 22 years of life. I am not celebrating 22 years of existence. I decided to no longer use the word existence to describe the manner in which I am moving about in this world. It just kind of hit me, one moment, that the word existence is an insult to my participation in the universe’s self-indulgent games, and society’s insensitive version of [natural] selection.

The 22 years have been a game of chances, failures and successes, decisions and mistakes. It has been about pains and experiences. It wasn’t just waking up, getting up, washing face, taking baths, and staring blankly at everything random to get through the day and repeat the cycle every tomorrows. I loved and got hurt. I gambled and lost. I tried and fell short. I trusted and got betrayed. I took risks and merited freedom. I made decisions and learned.

It’s true there have been times time itself seemed sluggish, and I have wallowed in lethargy. Inspiration felt out of reach and I lost touch with the energy that spurs me. I have had my fair share of attempts to block the world out, to ease into the comfort of myths and fictions, to resort to books I didn’t write, to songs I didn’t compose, to stories I do not own. I do think, however, that we all, at least, go through those phases. But we do have a say on whether we wanna get stuck there or we take things further from there.

On my 20th birthday celebration, I said on Facebook that my 20 years of “existence” is a celebration for the people who stuck with me through the thickest of thicks and the thinnest of thins. This year is different. This year is a celebration of my independence. It is about how I got free. It is about how I got free to choose things for myself. It is about my choices. It is the year I have seen the best things about being the island they say no man is and no man can be. It is the year I have realized the significance of being the ear in a body full of organs that try to be of sense - to make sense. That past year is about life - because I did not merely exist.

In the 365 days that that year consisted, I have stood in the longest of lines to pursue a dream that, in the end, wasn’t realized. I have also un-friend-ed some people in the most un-virtual sense of the word. To some friends, I showed how much I care. I have loved a guy but didn’t make such a big deal out of what I was feeling. There were limits and I am proud to say I have managed to make those limits clear to myself and I have not gone beyond them. I hugged my mom. I thanked some of my aunts and uncles. I have played and goofed around with my cousins. I kissed my niece and carried her when I could. I made my siblings feel they are loved and appreciated. I went to the beach and breathed the saltiness of its breeze. I climbed a tree. I marveled at sunsets. I listened to the sound of rain and tried to decipher the message it is trying to communicate. I watched city lights as they blur from a distance. Dramatically, at first. And then just the way they usually do the next.

In that 365 days, too, I have, at least, been hated. I have again been misunderstood. I have grown disappointed in my own misgivings. Some people tagged me unhealthy. Some people considered me second-best. Some people didn’t believe in my capabilities. Most of them just wanted to shut me up. And for we all know, even shut me down.

So, it would be foolish to think this was all just existing. Existence is an obvious and utter misnomer. Because it wasn’t at all a passive 22nd year. I have lived.

I am living.