Then, Facebook launched my very own 2013 Year In Review which triggered me to write this one. I'm not sure if the Facebook 2012 Year In Review had it but for this year, there is this section where it says "Your Friends in 2013". Seeing this section was enough to bring me back to my dashboard and start drafting. It's gonna be an interesting theme for a Year-End blog, I told myself.  In 2012, I was too overwhelmed with too many good things so I didn't get the chance to write one. So, I gotta do this. 

By the way, 2012 is my best year so far. This year is not as bad as my previous years but not a lot of noteworthy things happened. So, like I said on my birthday post on Facebook, my 20th birthday is a celebration of the people who stuck around with me through out the years. For that matter, I'm giving this entry to the people who's always been there for me on Facebook and more importantly, in form, this year. 

1. Roan Amora-Pelos Trimmel

That's the girl on the upper left tile. She's my cousin. There's no wonder of course why Facebook considered her one of my best friends this year knowing that she's in Austria and we use Facebook to connect. I guess she would even have made it to my list in 2012 as well. She's that special. I consider her my best cousin actually. Among everyone in the family, Ate Ann is probably the one who knows most about me. She's read my diary when once I left it open and wrote an entry their herself. Haha. Until now, she remains to be one of my confidants which I can only be thankful of.

A lil bonding at SM City Davao in January, 2013

2. Donc Patru

Yeah, Do-Me-Nic who appeared on my blog early this year. Being this close with him is actually unexpected. You know there are things heaven gives you and eventually means more than what it looked like the first time. But I am so glad about this friendship with him. It's nice that even there certainly are things we don't agree over, it doesn't seem like there actually are. I love how he understands me and how I understand him. A trivia: Facebook thought it's right for him to be here because he constantly talks about his heart matters with me. I mean, how interesting! Haha

Dom's homecoming and birthday treat for Team Rockstarszz back in May, 2013 He's the last guy on the far left.

3. Ellyn Grace E. Cuizon

Another trivia: The names I'm putting here are the names that appear on their Facebook profiles. And another trivia: I know Ellyn's middle name. It's Evangelista. Haha. You see? I care enough to know that. Well, this girl just deserves to be on this list. She's been a constant companion this year especially when I was back at school. School months have been generally challenging but with her always pushing me, always willing to lend a hand when things crumble, it had been gladly survived. Ellyn's goodness is a gift from heaven. I'm out of words coz my heart is screaming thank-you, thank-you, thank-you. 

After our PBB Audition. October, 2013.

4. Aminolah Bualan

I didn't think he would be a friend. Amin was utterly distant before; he was too impossible to reach out to. But it's a real blessing to be his friend now. He's here on this list for a reason, Facebook knows. The regular chatting on Facebook during our restdays which would usually contain things about particles, molecules and Physics in general should be the reason why. I'm glad to have known such a brilliant person as him who opened different worlds for me. I may not be as intelligent as him but I thank God for him - I am more intelligent than I ever was.

During our  program Anniversary Party. December, 2013. (Last night, actually. Haha) Amin is the one in the middle.  The one on the right is our friend, Glenn.

5. Joan Fuentes

Regardless of the fact that this girl likes to be all over the place, she continues to be in focus with everything. This is one thing I find amazing about Frock. I like it that despite everything she has to attend to, she keeps track of her friendship with the ones close to her. Just glad to be one of them. I've become spoiled to the support she's giving me especially with Facebook stuff. You know, liking my posts and all. Haha. They tease me saying they don't have a choice and in front of them I act like they can have it their way. The truth is, they can't have it their way coz they love me. Thanks for loving me Frock. I pray to God I'm returning it at the very least.

Singing our hearts out at Southern Voice KTV, in July, 2013

6. Dawn Bernardino

She gave me an advance Christmas gift with an attached message telling me to stay sweet. Although I think I honestly am sweet, I didn't think I was sweet enough to her for her to say a thing like that. Of course considering that she's the first person to know about my birthday plans for year 2014, she should really be here. We talked about it for days on Facebook. Other than that, she's been open to me about her feelings on work, life and all things that matter. The value she adds to my person by being honest to me is big deal.

In our bonding moments with Ellyn back in July, 2013.  Dawn is the short-haired.

7. Sigrid Violata

This girl would've appeared on my list in 2012 as well, in case there was one. We had so much wonderful times in the past year. For this year, we didn't get to bond much but thanks to Facebook of course, we may not always be there for each other physically, but we have been there for each other in substance. I kind of didn't like she's here on this list coz she called me up to tell me she didn't like my hair color. Haha. Just kidding! Thank you Siggy!

Short bonding at Tea Loca, Abreeza in March, 2013

8. Dee Jay Pee

That's Daryl. My cousin as well. Roan's sister. She's now based in Luzon - one big reason why she's here. She asks me to search online for things like flight or movie schedules and prices, nearest gasoline stations, prepaid promos, and the like. The only chance we got to bond was when she went home in September. For the stay in FTC Tower and the treat to Eden Nature Park and Resort, thank you couz. They were two of my year highlights. Mwahh

Family Bonding at Eden Nature's Park and Resort in September, 2013

9. Jennifer Sucuano

She's always requested for an article about her which I always fail to grant. All thanks to Facebook for finding her worthy to be on this list; now I got to write about her. Since the day we met, she's been there. We've known each other for almost six years and the support I get from her is still there and continues to be the most remarkable. You can have have too many friends but not too many who will stay too long. Till this year, she remained to be one of the truest and most loyal friends I have. I promise to write something longer next time, Jen. For now, I'm hoping I warm your heart with my gratitude. Thank you really for staying.

10. Clang Austria Bacaltos

Well, I'm not so surprised she's here. She's one of those people who tells me they don't have a choice. It's no wonder. However, Facebook really saw it necessary for her to be here. With or without her choice, I choose to confide in her my weakest self. I accuse her of being a cry-baby but guess who cried more. Clang is too nice that every time I am at a negative extreme, I go to her. I rant, I cry my heart out, I talk to her expecting the same comfort I get each time. Considering that she's the girl who said she squared out a pointless circle, you become equally confident that you'll be on the right track. With her, that is.

After watching Thor II in November, 2013.

11. Jenilyn Salcedo Buni

More than anything, it's our conversations about Farisi, a guy I like, is the reason why she's here. Haha. Other than that, though, she's also one of my friends who like to talk to me in their bad times. She has mature problems I try to keep up with so I can sort of give an illegible advise. I have childish issues she tries to go at the bottom of so I can mature. Jen's the type who will be so honest in front of you that whatever she says wouldn't even hurt you at any degree. But she's supportive like everybody here and caring and all. So, if I haven't thanked enough, thank you Ms Jen.

Lunch at TGIF, Abreeza Mall back in June, 2013.

12. Kathy Pulido

This girl is one hell of a friend. Facebook can't let her slip. She also appeared on my blog just recently so it's no wonder she made it on this list. We haven't spoken much on Facebook lately but at the early part of the year when I have not yet found the confidence in my new-found companions to share explicit matters with (explicit is the first word that came to mind), Katt was of good use. I have not much to say right now because I have said it all it on that particular blog but please stay. And continue leaving comments on my Facebook statuses in the future. Haha.

At D'Leonor Inland Resort during Sigrid's Birthday Celebration, in May, 2013.

13. Kevin Digal

My crush. He's right here because of my endless stalking for a good couple of months. We had very short conversations on Facebook chat as well. We're not really friends, we're basically just acquaintances. He's someone who can make me smile if I see him in the distance. But that's that. And nothing more. It's wonderful to know him, though.

A picture saved on Outlook at work. Nothing inspires me more. :)

14. Honey Adam Salamat

The bitch! She's the one calling my bangs phenomenal. For being wavy, that is. I'm guessing the reason she's here is because I liked many of her photos on Facebook where she is with her boyfriend. Haha. That guy is sooo handsome, I can forget about talking about Rai here. Anyway, it's also been a blessing to have her as a friend. You don't get too many smart friends in your life. And pretty but nice.

Rai with my messy bangs at Iron Voyz KTV, November 2013

15. Charnie Joei Villacorta

My beloved sister. She's in Bohol with my mom and brother. I rarely talk to my mom and brother online so I speak to her more often to get updates all the way from our province. She loves me at my best and has been there at my worst. Nothing beats the feeling of being a brother especially when your sister comes up to you in her most vulnerable self. It's sad that at times she needs a hug and I can't do it for her. Thanks to Facebook, though. If there's one person I know who will stick with me forever, it's her. I love her to the moon and back.

I don't have a picture with her this year. So here's a photo of her with our baby boy, cousin Rodell taken in March 2013.

16. Jhunitz Lopez

There's always this one person I choose to talk to when I need to straighten my thoughts out. That's Ma'am Jhun. She's one of my professors in college. Actually, she is more than that to me, now. She's not only there to answer my queries about anything concerning Psychology but is also there to guide me through out every confusion, in any mentally stressful situation. There's nothing quite like having a consultant for free. Ma'am Jhun is heaven sent. For the friendship and all, thank you Ma'am. "Salamuch"

There you go! The 16 very special people. It's unimaginable to think that I have been blest like this. There are of course other people who are not in the list who deserve my thank-you as well. My mom, my Aunt Rose, my cousin Evelyn, my Uncle Yoyong, my high-school friend Ivah Michelle, bes Shanelle Kay, my very good friends from my beloved Team Rockstarszz Dawn Duque and Arianne Acero, another friend in high school Annates, and to a new-found inspirational diva Ms. Jeryl Fuentes - a bunch of thanks to all of you. I'm gonna end this year filled with gratitude because for sure, this year wouldn't have been manageable without you around. Thank you for being patient with all my ranting on Facebook and liking them for that matter. Thank you for appreciating all my photos and whatever I post. Thank you for talking to me. Thank you.

Of course, I'm also gonna end my year confident. Knowing that you'd all be there with me, I could manage to survive another year.

Special thanks to Ian Jumahali, Jaydie Albano, Sawira Suleik, Kris Sia, Kathleen Bayron, Glenn Araneta, Wisdom Tuazon, Sheena Bueno, Iris Balug, Jenny Encenzo, Kareen Adato, Charmaine Aclan, Tate Abes, Mommy Dhel, Thea Marianito, Paulo Nebria, Jerica Palarca, EJ Dayos, Alex Branzuela and Stella Star. :)

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year !

She corrects my lapses in pronunciation. She bullies my stupid wondering(s). She refuses to listen when I'm being silly. She tells me to shut up every time I get too noisy. But of course I know she loves me.

Well, that's Arianne. Better yet, Ate Arianne. People know her as this simple, healthy woman with a goody kind of heart. And, I,  know her more than that. We've known each other for two years (as of this writing). We were wave-mates during our training months in the company we're working at and had been team-mates for more than a year. Yet, our friendship is beyond the figures.

The two years of being friends have given us the opportunity to know more of each other. We know at least about each other's strengths, happiness and the sources where we take these things from. Most importantly, we have openly made known to each other our weaknesses, our struggles, and our journey towards every coping up.

That I guess is what makes Ate Arianne extra special because she knows my weaknesses, she knows where I hurt before I even know it myself. She knows what I don't like to hear but will tell me when it's about time. She knows what I don't like other people to hear, so she'd talk to me in private. She'd patiently listen every time I vent out like our fuming customers but isn't afraid to put reality stoppers into my mouth. All that without the need of a single ounce of alcohol.

I love that Ate Arianne knows so much about timing. I love that she has this magical ability to feel things are truly necessary. This could be because she's seen me in my weakest points. She's seen me cry because I'm 18 years old. She's seen me hold back a tear 'cause I'm already 19. And she'd seen me hope never to stream water from my eyes because I'm 20. For all the flaws I've made her see, there's nothing I'd want to take back because it made me feel secure now that once I turn 21, she'd still be around, able to discern when I'm already about to fall on my knees and break down.

I don't know whether I've been enough of a good friend to her because I didn't get to ask her that. No one does that, I guess. What I know is that she isn't the type of person who lets other people see what's going on inside of her. She always makes it look like it doesn't matter. But I know what matters to her. And for that, I hope she does not think I am again assuming. I care.

On a lighter note, I'm certain that one day, she'll read this. First, because she likes reading celebrity blogs. Two, because I'm a celebrity (almost famous). And three, because I consider her one of my fans notwithstanding the fact that she bluntly corrects my pronunciation. Kidding aside, I want this to be my way to express appreciation and gratitude for her amazing kindness to me.

Ate Arianne, thank you for always being there and for making me feel there's always a friend I could turn to. Thank you for making your ears always available for my childish rantings. Thank you for pulling my hair each time I seem to be way up somewhere. Thank you for all the McDonalds conversations over your BigNTasty burger. Thank you for all the affirmation and for all the words of appreciation you've given me even in those times I didn't deserve them. I may not have said thank-you enough but I thank God I have you as a friend. I pray to God that you also thank me for once becoming a People Awardee because of me. LOL. Thank you and I love yah to the moon and back.

I wanna ask you whether there are pains you decided to be irreconcilable and tell you I'll be here to help you with them.

If you ever have fears, I wanted to know as well. It will be an honor to try to keep you away from those things you're afraid of and a delight to draw you close to them and see you become stronger against them.

We can be indestructible together!

And hold your hands. I wanna hold onto your hands tightly and make you feel that when everything goes haywire, I'd stay willing to take care of you.

There are so many things I wanna do with you, to you, for you, to be honest. And I swear to heavens I'm not after anything in return. There is no price for you to pay. I just want you to allow me to do them. But then again, that could be the hardest part.

So, that's where I'll draw the line. More than anything, it's what you feel that I'm looking after. If you want me to, I'll try to get over this. But it can't be so soon. For now, let me place you in every beat of my heart. You're difficult, yes. I'm fine with that. Anyway, nothing worth keeping is ever easy.

A friendship can only go through so much rough patches. Luckily for ours, whatever rough patches there were to get through, we got through them until whoever designs the rough patches realized we're unbreakable.

Katt and I have been friends for almost two years (so far as of this writing). We've basically been through the ups and downs of our friendship and been together through the highs and lows - mostly highs. I mean, she's always high. That kind of explains it.

The tightest spot we've been in for as far as I can remember was that time when I had to block her on Facebook and things just exploded like a not-anymore-controllable timed bomb. Before, when I look back at that part of that past, I understand it as a test. The universe wanted to see if it was to be survived. Gladly, it was triumphed over. Today, as I reminisce, I understand it in a more beautiful light. I see ourselves as two diamonds hurting each other in friction only to emerge shining brightly as one.

As I write this, I try to picture out the future years without her somewhere nearby. It felt somehow empty imagining she wouldn't be there with her distinct giggle. I have heard aplenty of that even in the illest of my humor and I sure haven't heard anybody giggle like that. She's really one of my fans when it comes to my antics. And it's a bit terrifying that one day, I may crack up a joke and no one may even laugh.

And I'm one of her fans, too. Her escapades (think greener!) are my favorite. We basically chewed cheese about those escapades inside our circle, uninhabited. even when we're sober. But no one can beat her with her details. For reasons I may never quite figure, she likes to tell her stories about those escapades and I'm kind of put under pressure to tell my own story too. But discussing my escapades here (if you think there were any) is a completely different story.

I've seen Katt's hair change from short and brown to short and black, to straight with bangs, to straight and long and now straight and curly halfway towards the end but she's stayed the same. It may be selfish in a way, but who she is, what she is is enough for me. I wouldn't want any alteration at all. So in immaturity and childishness, cheers! And if not to never growing taller, let's say cheers to never growing up!

The sky blushed and it turned PINK.

As if someone dropped some magenta ink

My mouth went ajar and I gasped in awe

A sight to behold, I can only drop  my jaw.

Cotton candy clouds crawled across the sky.

As if to conjur, oh! I must know why.

It's soon to precipitate, it's about to rain

Come now and leave my shirt a pinkish stain

Drizzle, all the way. Heaven drizzles!

Rain me strawberries. Rain me pretzels.

Can see water molecules rushing down now

Waiting like a kid, sticking tongue out.

I tasted it and it was so sweet

But rain stopped, then came the heat

I saw a pink shadow going up to me

Heaven must be kidding. It turned RED suddenly.

Muffled thoughts of endless uncertainties. Wrench and jackhammers destroying the insides. An instrumental playing like smoothest torture. Noises from everywhere wreak further havoc.

There's always a time for sadness. It's like heating a half-full kettle of water, when boiled, it gets out screaming. You can't silence it because kettles are created chanteuses. To question its ability to sing is to dispute the heart's innate ability to beat.

Only a couple hours ago, my heart was filled with happiness. Happiness may even be a misnomer. Perhaps, it was ecstasy. Or maybe, it was joy. For quite a moment, I was a happy half-full kettle of water until out of the blue, some devils tried heating me from right under. Sadness, once and for all, took over.

However, I am not desperate about my situation right now. No one should be. What I learned in life is that sadness passes in the same manner that happiness does. John Green said that when we try to minimize our pain, we're doing ourselves a disservice. So if you feel sad, feel it. Don't dismiss it.

I'm not celebrating sadness, though. This is my way of acknowledging it. Acknowledgement is the first way to alleviate suffering. I wanted to make the most out of it too, to impart learning and give back inspiration. If your reading this, thank you. Thank you for letting me.

I care.

Together, let's glow in the dark. Together, let us become sweetness and light. 

He isn't a stranger, at least not for himself. He is a stranger to you, nonetheless. He watches you saunter inside the room and memorizes how you walk. He watches you from his chair trying hard not to let you notice. He smiles at every sight of you, at every adorable downward bending of your lips. He likes how you remove your earphones from your ear and the way you put them together around your neck.

At first, he wondered what was your name. Now, he is aware you play soccer. He knows some places you've been to, and he would love to know even more about you.

So he asks questions anonymously trying to get to know you. He wants to know how badly your heart had been broken so far and if it has been healed. He wants to know what makes you sad more than what makes you smile because he believes that there  are so many people in this world who'd care more about the latter than the first. He wishes to be one of the few to help you understand why sadness is essential. And he'd absolutely like to be there when it happens. He doesn't wish for that to happen, nonetheless. 

He'd like to be your friend, your companion. He wants to know your dreams, your weaknesses, your prayers and your fears, and see you through them.

Yes, he. He who likes you in silence. He who admires you from a chair. He who only wonders. He who'd like you to know. 

He who is I.

After watching Four Sisters and A Wedding with friends and/or workmates, Dawn and Ellyn, we ate at Abreeza Mall's food court to cater to their craving for Kinilaw. Since I am a child with an unusual sense of thinking, thoughts and reminiscences of matters about giving in to other people's wishes - small or big - and on repudiating them in other particular circumstances came to turn my head into a vortex.

I've been shattered by so much stress lately and my effort of picking my pieces up is only a day old. So it's not like the idea of banishing these thoughts did not come to mind. I know this is going to stress me out worse. But that type of  person who makes it a point to find humor in life and still can't help but wallow in a state of pessimism is precisely the type of person I am.

Again, I don't like school. But hey, where am I? Exactly in the place I have come to dislike.

Since I am a child from a culture of conformity, I thought I needed to be here. And being here only seemed like a circus. Each day feels like I have to restlessly juggle while carefully walking across a wire at the same time.

Dawn and Ellyn heard me complaining like a princess. Dawn told me to deal with it because it's my choice. Yet I didn't think it mostly is. I rejected Dawn's opinion. My family made this choice for me. They made this choice before I was even born because hey have been programmed to think success lies merely on holding a degree. Or at least, the society made them believe it is a must that we follow their footsteps. My family made this choice for me and I am only CONFORMING.

This vortex that my head has turned into is caused by some questions about my own conformity. You see, I'm in a very difficult situation right now - juggling school, work, familial and social responsibilities, and sleep. It makes me sick when I think about my fickle-mindedness. If I really felt I needed to conform, I should have conformed all the way until school's over. Things would've been easier - my mom pays for my tuition fee, there would have been no need to battle a day at work after getting only a 3-hour sleep. If I didn't want to conform, I should not have bothered enrolling again. Things would not have been poisonous. My life would've been less dramatic.

What I realized is that survival of the fittest focuses on decision-making. And that one person becomes THE FITTEST if he knows how to make up his mind and stays true blue to his beliefs.

After assessing myself from my flow of thought, it seems that in the process of natural selection, I am going to be less favored. And for crying out loud, help me God.