Dear You,

The sky cries tonight, probably commiserating with my heart as it weeps in silence. You know what? I'd like to stop the weeping. But I trust that it will in its own time.

I don't want the rain to stop, however. Remember all those times I needed someone to be with me as I conquered the demons inside me? I had you. Unbeknownst to you, you have become my refuge. Now that you have decided to burn the bridge that connected you to me—or me to you—I can only have the rain with me.

Perhaps, it will always be this way. I will always have to live out the confusions, and not expect for things to have clarity in the end. But I thank you for giving me any memory at all in that little virtual space we shared. You were so mean that I'd always imagine how your face would look like if I'd twist your ears, or if I'd pinch you on the side. You were so SARCASTIC, so lovably sarcastic that my heart aches even more in remembrance.

My apologies for all the times I challenged your wits. I didn't mean to drag you into my own misery and desperation.

As they say, if people want to leave, hold the door open for them. It's never going to console me in the least bit to recall how I tried to keep you when you've probably always wanted to get away. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to latch on you.

I had countless moments when I'd tell my friend and myself I'd never bother you again, and my actions would betray me. You know that. I bargained. I bargained because I believed I earned the prerogative to have a soft epilogue this time. Life, as it turns out, isn't anybody's servant.

With finality, I bid you farewell, my sweet. Do know, nonetheless, that if you need a box of pizza to feel comforted, it's gonna come. I'll still make that happen, even then. Do know that your sarcasm remains to be my favorite, little boy, and it is certainly going to be missed.

Why am I here? How did I get here? The cleverest excuse would be because it’s 1:00 A.M.  In the wee hours, our neurons go wild that we tend to do or create things we normally just dodge when we’re fully awake in daylight. But do you know something? I probably just made that up.

What I believe is that, sometimes, in the day, while we’re hustling along the other front-runners of the animal kingdom, something happens. Something happens that would make us think things. Something happens that would make us feel. Something happens that would keep us woke at night.

I’m usually wrong when it comes to a lot of things. Or so I’d like to think. Therefore, I could be wrong in that premise, too. Most of the time, I would tend to shy away from the world too afraid to make the mistake that would betray myself, or my dreams, or my good intentions. How do I survive? I survive by feeling. I survive by telling the world how I feel. That’s why I write, where writing both means blogging, or simply, venting out on social media.

In the past, my mouth was unstoppable. Webster would describe me as candid. People who know me would go for tactless. And I am hoping that’s no longer true now. Of course, there are occasions when I would rant on Facebook, but that’s only because I am feeling. Sometimes, when our lives run out of love, anger just spurts out from holes we could not cover. That’s my truth.

The reason I don’t worry about what other people will say about the negativity they’ll think I’m spreading is because I have lived at least half of my life suppressing truths because I thought the lies would save me. When I realized I had been wrong, I spoke my truth every chance I got.

What were the lies? Why do I think too much? Feel too much? Why isn’t this your truth? I could only wish it were so that you’d understand me better. That would be a terrible thing to wish for, however. The thing is, I’m not someone who grew up with adults telling me, “hey, you’re fine,” or, “just let that go,” or “be happy.” I had to figure all of that on my own. I woke up every time the sun would peek the tiniest bit through our house while everyone's still asleep and snoring so I could observe my surroundings, and prove to myself that everything that’s happening in my life wasn’t just a nightmare, and that they were real. I had no one to share those discoveries with because it wasn’t like a box of chocolate that everyone will be happy about. Yes, I had to figure out how to be fine on my own. I climbed guava trees to write my poems down. I stayed up late until i-FM’s midnight playlist drowned the noises in my head out. I had to find a way to survive. To date, here I am, still trying.

What brought me here is the fact that people are trying to get me to shut up. And I do get where they’re coming from. It’s hard to deal with people who have a lot to say, especially those who say the negative ones. They’re pains not only in the neck, but all the way down to the spine. However, there’s this thing Psychology calls coping, and these people you hate could just be doing that, and you’re taking that away from them just 'cause it’s ruining your own peace of mind. If you got so lucky with your lives so that you have nothing to complain about, then good for you. If you got lucky with your lives so that everything just instantly becomes sunny as desired, then good for you. If you got lucky with your lives so that you can only talk about the cool, the positive, and the lovely things, then good for you. But please, just please, with all humility, I ask you to leave the drama queens alone, the pessimists, the ones ensnared by depression, the poets who are lonely, the ones who prefer the sunset, or everyone who’s just trying to live their lives in the best way they know how.

‘Coz do you know something? You’d only know how a pebble hurts someone’s feet until you put on his shoe.

Registration is still on going. You may register and claim your kit until August 12, 2017, from 11:00 AM to 8:00 PM at the CM Booth located at Upper Ground Floor, in front of Charles and Keith SM Lanang Premier. Interested participants may also opt to sign up through cash via prepaid cards, which are available at Chris Sports SM Lanang Premier and Toby’s Abreeza Mall Davao outlets, online via PayPal, or purchase SM Tickets at any SM Cinema booth nationwide.